Friday, August 9

The FIRST Step on How to Get an Ex Boyfriend Back

When it comes to how to get a ex boyfriend back, you have to have some kind of plan in place.

The reason you need a strategy in place is because it's such a sensitive time and emotions are running high.
Going at a relationship rescue blindly will only serve to point you in the wrong directions.

You really need to think about what outcome you want and then act accordingly.

But know that your ex is probably on a different level than you are, with regards to getting back together.

If you are the one that is yearning for him more than he is for you, he won't be as receptive to your actions.

The more he feels that you hurt him, the more he will be hesitant to reconcile. Trust is huge in a relationship and it is what is needed again when two people want to get back together. Trust can be built back slowly again into a relationship.

However, the first step is for him to trust that the relationship even has a chance to stand on its own legs again. Let alone that he won't be hurt again.

-xo Kat

Wednesday, July 17

The Reality of Wanting Your Boyfriend Back

I wish there was some way that I could jump into your world and talk some sense into your guy.

If it's anything like I've been through with relationships, it's probably difficult to get him to hear you out without you feeling upset or angry.

Maybe you're at the point where there is no communication between the two of you.

The fact of the matter is that things have come to a standstill 'cause of a disconnect in UNDERSTANDING, more so than from a lack of love.

When you weren't getting your needs met this impacted the way he felt.

Guys feel as if they have to SOLVE your problems. What we really want is for them to LISTEN. They think that if they can't help you by giving you a solution then they're of no help. We feel that they're not helping and not caring 'cause they simply aren't listening.

Regardless of the reasons for the final break in the relationship, the fact of the matter is things are definitely not like how they used to be.

At this point, you know things are bad and pretty bad probably, but you can't help but want to be with him.

You want him back and that's the only way you know right now. Because this is how you feel right now, no one, no way, no how can make you think differently.

If someone tells you to move on, you want to tell them where to go. If someone says you should just forget about him, you want to tell them to shove it. If someone says that it's his loss, you know they have no clue - especially if they've never been through something like this before! So easy for them to say.

That person giving you advice can see things objectively, while you are all caught up in some crappy emotions.

However, you know yourself the best and you know him the best.

And right now, gosh darn, you just want him back, or should I say NEED him back - fast!

-xo Kat

Sunday, July 10

The BIG Secret to Getting Him Back

I have to confess to the boring weekend I've had, which is sad, considering that it's July. Usually this time of year, given the short warm months, is to be taken advantage of with being out and about. What a lonely weekend it was.

Then I got thinking...not that I ever stop, with this brain.

I have to confess to the boring weekend I've had, which is sad, considering that it's July. Usually this time of year, given the short warm months, is to be taken advantage of with being out and about. What a lonely weekend it was.

Then I got thinking...not that I ever stop, with this brain.

I'm not pining for anybody right now, but I've been there. I know how the mind doesn't shut up, and how the heart aches. I know how nothing soothes the thoughts, and how nothing takes away the unbearable pain.

When I wanted my ex boyfriend to take me back, I had no clue how to cope.

There was the part of me that was wondering what the hell happened, and how on earth I lost him. There was the part of me that was building a plan on getting back together with him..forever. Then there was the part that knew I had to cope..while I waited for him...and waited.

The only coping I could even think of was how to make my plan work so perfectly, so I wouldn't screw up with him..again. I had to scrutinize carefully over the details of the perfect things I would say, and the perfect things I would do. But of course, I had to perfectly know what to avoid saying, and what to avoid doing.

So not only was I trying to cope with the loss of my ex boyfriend, but there I was trying to cope with something in the future that hadn't even happened yet!

How could I even begin to look towards the future, let alone put some decent action towards it, if I was still in excruciating pain over the past?

I knew I wouldn't be effective going forward, and especially with my plan to get him back, unless I had full grasp of the past. And this meant letting go.

Me letting go of my guilt of losing him.

In hindsight, as long as I clung onto the regrets of my own guilt, I could not be effective going forward. I would be off balance, off kilter, off power. I would not be moving forward with strength.

But the way to get clarity over the past is to process it, but not to dwell on it. You can't scheme ahead, if you don't know what you're leaving behind.

And what better way to uncover the past, and discover the future then by letting time run its course. Oh, I know, the dreaded 'T' word.

But it's true. Time does heal. I understand you feel your pain will never go away, unless and until you have him back. But just know that it gets easier to cope with what will be, once time kicks in.

So you can either let the time pass you by as you wallow in your own misery, or you can begin to heal and be happy. I highly recommend the second option.

Begin to heal your pain, uncover a whole new you, rejoice at the possibilities! And if he's there again, that's just a bonus.

-xo Kat

Thursday, June 16

How Do You Get Your Man Back...When He's Moved On?

Even just writing this makes me feel bad. It's difficult enough that you are going through the painful emotions of missing someone you are still in love with.

But then to know he is with someone else is just heart-wrenching.

You're obviously wondering how he could move on so fast. Especially since you were hopeful you would get back together again! I mean, how could he do this? How could he forget what you two had, and move on so fast?!

You miss his calls. You miss his texts. Knowing that he no longer needs to keep a connection with you is almost unbearable. It shows that he no longer feels it necessary to have you in his life.

You may have not even really been all too upset when you two broke up...until it hit you that he moved on. Perhaps you were relieved when the relationship ended. But now, knowing he is over you, gives you that urge to want to be with him again.

How interesting is it knowing that your feelings for him bounced back, as soon as you discovered that there was someone new in his life? Was he the type of guy who felt safe, reliable, and predictable, in the relationship?

The point is you have to evaluate why the relationship came to an end. Did you take him for granted, but now realize what you had..once it was gone? Did you feel you loved him 'too much' and you constantly wanted the relationship..more than he did?

Were you smothering him? Ignoring him? Making him jealous? Pushing for more commitment?

If you try and evaluate your relationship from an objective perspective, with the help of a friend, you may come to realize that he ultimately wasn't giving you what you needed to be fully happy in a relationship.

If you still feel you really want him in your life (not need, as you should never need someone to feel whole), you have to think about the things you were saying and doing in the relationship that weren't working for him. It may be hard for you to admit your faults, 'cause you know he has them too.

But try and be honest with yourself, and see what it is that you could improve upon. Were you too clingy? Distant? Secretive? Insecure? Jealous? Stubborn?

If he can see that you are taking responsibility for your behavior, he may just be willing to give it a go again. But it depends on how exhausted he is and hopeless to make things work.

If he genuinely still cares about you, but you two weren't getting along, then there's a chance. However, if you betrayed his trust, he may have a hard time being able to care for you again.

It also depends on how this new person is treating him. But that is out of your control. What you need to do to get your man back is reinstate yourself positively in his mind.

You will want to try and stumble upon him 'accidentally' where he knows you didn't set it up on purpose. You should look and be pleasant. Appear happy. Don't talk about the relationship. Pick somewhere where you will get a chance to chat for a few minutes.

You obviously want to be alone. Showing you're with a guy to make him jealous will just fuel any insecurities he had about you. Plus, you couldn't justify him moving on so quickly then.

Once you've touched base with him, end the 'chance' encounter before he does, by smiling and saying you have to run. No need to tell him what you are up to, if he should ask. Just say you're busy, and that it was nice running into him.

The idea is that he now has a positive and lasting impression of you. You weren't yelling, crying, or any of those kinds of emotions like how you perhaps last left off. Instead you looked good, and sounded nice.
He will be curious with what you have been up to. Obviously, this doesn't make sense if it's only been a very short amount of time since the break-up occurred. This is why you want to set up the encounter with enough time and space to show him that you have changed, and that there are positive things going on in your life.

This chance meeting should pique his interest in you, if enough time has passed. He should be wondering why you are so happy. He should be curious if you are with someone new, like he is.

Being at the forefront of his thought process is exactly where you want to be. Once things go sour with his new person, or when they get into an argument, he may just remember that time he bumped into you.

Say he was annoyed that you didn't take care of your health. Well, when you bumped into him, you mentioned how you joined a gym and you love it. (You did this for yourself, not him!) This will get him to see that you are now taking care of yourself which will appeal to him.

Until you hear from him, continue to focus on being the best possible you. You never know when he may just pop back into your life!

Often guys jump into a rebound situation, and those don't work out for any significant lengths of time. And with time, you may just find that you are thinking about him less and less. Who knows?

Maybe you will be ready to meet that glorious new guy. Or when you win an ex boyfriend back, your relationship will be better than ever!


Tuesday, May 24

How to Get Him Back When You Were Pushing For More

Sure we get advice that tells us to live life with no regrets. We hear that it's best to not live with the guilt of not knowing and to give it our all.

What harm is there in opening up and sharing our true thoughts and feelings anyway? Especially when it comes to connecting with the man in our life. He should be there for us, and comforting our every word. Ya...right...

How often do you hear of a women never having had to even hint at giving her number, or setting-up that first date, or getting him to be exclusive, or...?

In most situations, a woman wants to speed the emotional connection along, while the guy will keep the status quo if nothing is said, or done about it.

What is so wrong with us women telling the guys we want to be their girlfriend, or we want to get married to them? You'd think they'd be swinging from the rafters, those lucky guys.

But what about the guys that start humming and hawing, if not packing up, when even a whisper of pressure (or what they perceive to be pressure out of simply communicating) comes off of our lips?

Yes, we know that guys as a whole aren't commitment-phobic. We always hear the story of how a guy wouldn't take the next step with a women he was in a relationship with for a long while, yet he had no problem proposing within a couple of months to the next girl.

Indeed it is men who initiate 85% of the marriage commitment, by proposing.

It doesn't matter if you're auditioning to be the next Victoria's Secret model, if a guy is not 'ready' for marriage, there is nothing you can do to convince him.

If he is 'ready', he may not be ready for you. And no amount of telling him that you two are God's gift to the world will convince him otherwise.

So what do you do when you pushed him away with your persistence and eagerness for marriage?

Frankly, I need to tell you that a truly great guy wouldn't even have you bring up the future 'cause he would be initiating it.

Or a decent guy wouldn't cringe at the thought of you bringing up marriage. He may not be 'ready' for you just yet, but he definitely wouldn't start packing.

And if the guy you're with zipped up his suitcase, because the only thing you did was to give him your LOVE, then unzip his suitcase, take your heart out, and then throw his suitcase after him as he closes the door.

Honestly, if I tell you any differently, I would be doing you and other truly remarkable women, a great dishonor.

Besides, beauty is NOT the most important criteria for a man in choosing his wife. The most important factors are having a positive outlook and self-confidence. Also high on the list is self-respect.

A man wants to marry and be with a woman that knows her worth. And if you are living your life insecurely and unhappily 'cause he won't commit to you, you have lowered your own self-worth in your life, and in his eyes. How attractive is that?

But you can't fake that you don't want a commitment just to keep him or get him back. He will see right through it.

Either you go back to him and get more of the same (think: misery), and hope he will change (good luck),

or you wish your newly-acquired old boyfriend well (don't forget to blow a sarcastic kiss good-bye),

or whether you are with him still or not, you really work on your self-esteem, self-confidence, self-image, self-worth, and all those other 'self' words, and then decide if YOU really do want to be with him. (Not about HIM choosing you.)

or once you've changed for the better, decide that he's simply become a road block in the way for finding that someone that truly shows you the world!

-xo Kat

Wednesday, April 6

How to Get Your Old Boyfriend Back - It's NOT About Sweat and Tears

As I sat here snowed in last night, being a Saturday night, knowing my friends were out on the town having fun without me, I felt secure knowing that I am in a good place right now.

I knew there would be another fun night out, and I knew I would see those same friends again in due time. I was thankful that I wasn't experiencing the pain of wanting to be with someone that didn't want to be with me.

I knew that it was better sitting there single than gasping for air at how much I wanted someone so bad. Like my ex.

Years ago when I had died inside pining over him, guilt occupying my mind, longing taking over my soul, I never thought I would ever be at peace with myself.

I remember when he came back to town after months of not seeing him, seeing as he broke up with me while he was working out of town.
I tried to act all cool and collected when we went out for drinks, pretending to 'enjoy' his photographs of his life he created working on the cruise ship. All the while, I was trying to catch glimpses of girls in the photos, adding them to my monologue of despair.

I somehow 'convinced' him to stop by my house to hang out. I knew my intentions were to try and build up his desire for me again. I wanted nothing more than to reconnect. I was yearning for him..for months.
We were lying on the couch, in a semi-cuddle state. He couldn't have felt further away emotionally, though his body was touching me physically.

I have no idea what we talked about, not just because it's been many years later, but I don't think I would have recalled the convo any better back then.

All I remember was surely the most heart-wrenching line someone I desperately wanted to care for me ever said to me.

"Don't you want to be with someone that wants to be with you?"

Socked in the gut.

And it was exactly like that. No more, no less. Like a slap to the face, but in words. Horrified. Petrified. I shot back.

"Ya, you don't deserve me."

I felt good saying that. I felt like I was stinging him just the same. He probably was wondering what the heck he was doing at my place anyway. Probably right around the time he wanted to leave.

I made love to him. He slept with me. But not before I BEGGED him to be close. He had already called the cab. He was downstairs. I was upstairs. Begging. him. to. stay.

If I could get any kind of physical closeness, I would feel less rejected by this man I grew to love so much. I knew he wasn't the type to just use someone for sex. So I knew giving himself up in this way would have been special for him, for us, right?

Ya, well, he sort of stayed over. He ran out early morning saying he had to catch a flight out. I knew he had a flight. I wanted to escort him to the airport. He wanted none of that.

I lied there in stillness. I felt empty. All still wasn't right with the world.
I felt a bit gleeful that I 'conquered' him, as If I had never bedded him before. If I couldn't have done it with my sex appeal, or elusiveness, or charisma, then the desperation worked well. Yuck. Embarrassing.

Oh well, I thought. I knew I would have felt worse if he had left without sleeping with me. And to this day, I knew it was the right thing to do at the time. He wasn't leading me on by any means.

If anything, right when we were about to be intimate, he had asked, "What does this mean to you?"

I confidently replied, "Nothing".

Ya, that's it. I was thinking "I loooooovvvveeee you, I must have you, I need you, I want you...."

"Nothing" is what I spat out as if I was positive that's what he wanted to hear.

Then of course for days and even months after, I was regretting that I wasn't honest with him.

"Nothing?" Come on.

Why didn't I just tell him what he meant for me all those months he was away working out of the country. Maybe he didn't know.

And that was the problem. I always feared being honest with myself with this man 'cause then that would require me being honest with him.

As long as I could say one thing, but mean another, I could 'preserve' the upkeep of the relationship. And this must have been my total thought pattern during our 2-year relationship.

But, I failed myself.

Not 'cause I lost him. I'm over him now, many a year later. But, because I lost myself.

Eventually I got over helping him find his way back. What was more important is that I never got lost again.

I learned a valuable lesson during that whole tumultuous time in my life.

Always be honest with yourself, always.

If I told him how much he meant to me and that I couldn't bare not being able to see him, touch him, or hold him while he was away for 6-months...

Then maybe he wouldn't have chosen to leave me for all those months (which felt like eternity then). Maybe our relationship would have taken a different course. He could have stayed. Would have stayed.

Maybe he left for his work trip 'cause I didn't FULLY open up. I played the test game. This is where I don't tell him how I honestly feel to test his true emotions for me. If he comes back from his experience early, then he really cares for me. If he stays for the full 6-months, well then...

My thinking was ludicrous. Who knew at the time? I didn't. Maybe he wanted to hear from ME how badly I wanted/needed/desired him??

At least if I opened up and TOLD him how I felt, I wouldn't have had guilt. 'Cause that would have been me being true to myself.

And if he didn't step up and deliver, then I could have been at peace with myself knowing that I was true to myself.
You should never have guilt for giving love.

If he didn't appreciate it, then I could have walked away much easier. (Instead of being thrown out.)

Don't allow fear of rejection to hold you back in love.

Being true to yourself is an attractive quality. Knowing what you expect and deserve, and being able to ask for this is what men need from us.

Confidence in knowing you are worthy is what attracts men to us, keeps them interested, and brings them back after a break-up.

It's not about ultimatums, or guilt-trips, or jealousy, or any of those win-lose emotions.

You simply ask for what you want and need.

Either he steps up. Or he doesn't.

At least this way, you'll never lose yourself. And this is truly what matters most in winning your boyfriend back.


Wednesday, March 30

How to Get the Guy Back - I'm In a Crisis Here!

Doesn't everyone tell you something differently for advice on how to get back together with your ex? In this case, YOUR guy.

Or wait a minute, he dumped you. Or you dumped him, then changed your mind, and he doesn't want you now. Soo, he's no longer yours. And you're no longer his. Aaargh!

Could it be any more frustrating that there isn't one sure fire procedure on how to get the guy back...and fast?

Instead, there are options and who wants options in a crisis like this?!

It's not exactly like you can pull one option out of said hat and just go with that one. You really have to know what you're doing to win him back after a break up.

And it's not like if you pick the wrong option, you can just put it back in the hat, shake it up, and try and re-draw for a better plan of action.

Before you can decide what the best strategy is for getting back with your guy, you have to know all of your options.

What works best for one person, doesn't mean that it's the best remedy for someone else.

It's not like you have all the time in the world either...your heart's melting away and you can't bear the thought of losing him to someone else.

This is a life-crisis emergency, full of smoke and flames, not to mention tears, and you just need to know what to do - now!

Get those tears to wipe out those flames, with the information, advice and tips I will provide to you on my Get Boyfriend Back Fast Blog here.