Thursday, June 16

How Do You Get Your Man Back...When He's Moved On?

Even just writing this makes me feel bad. It's difficult enough that you are going through the painful emotions of missing someone you are still in love with.

But then to know he is with someone else is just heart-wrenching.

You're obviously wondering how he could move on so fast. Especially since you were hopeful you would get back together again! I mean, how could he do this? How could he forget what you two had, and move on so fast?!

You miss his calls. You miss his texts. Knowing that he no longer needs to keep a connection with you is almost unbearable. It shows that he no longer feels it necessary to have you in his life.

You may have not even really been all too upset when you two broke up...until it hit you that he moved on. Perhaps you were relieved when the relationship ended. But now, knowing he is over you, gives you that urge to want to be with him again.

How interesting is it knowing that your feelings for him bounced back, as soon as you discovered that there was someone new in his life? Was he the type of guy who felt safe, reliable, and predictable, in the relationship?

The point is you have to evaluate why the relationship came to an end. Did you take him for granted, but now realize what you had..once it was gone? Did you feel you loved him 'too much' and you constantly wanted the relationship..more than he did?

Were you smothering him? Ignoring him? Making him jealous? Pushing for more commitment?

If you try and evaluate your relationship from an objective perspective, with the help of a friend, you may come to realize that he ultimately wasn't giving you what you needed to be fully happy in a relationship.

If you still feel you really want him in your life (not need, as you should never need someone to feel whole), you have to think about the things you were saying and doing in the relationship that weren't working for him. It may be hard for you to admit your faults, 'cause you know he has them too.

But try and be honest with yourself, and see what it is that you could improve upon. Were you too clingy? Distant? Secretive? Insecure? Jealous? Stubborn?

If he can see that you are taking responsibility for your behavior, he may just be willing to give it a go again. But it depends on how exhausted he is and hopeless to make things work.

If he genuinely still cares about you, but you two weren't getting along, then there's a chance. However, if you betrayed his trust, he may have a hard time being able to care for you again.

It also depends on how this new person is treating him. But that is out of your control. What you need to do to get your man back is reinstate yourself positively in his mind.

You will want to try and stumble upon him 'accidentally' where he knows you didn't set it up on purpose. You should look and be pleasant. Appear happy. Don't talk about the relationship. Pick somewhere where you will get a chance to chat for a few minutes.

You obviously want to be alone. Showing you're with a guy to make him jealous will just fuel any insecurities he had about you. Plus, you couldn't justify him moving on so quickly then.

Once you've touched base with him, end the 'chance' encounter before he does, by smiling and saying you have to run. No need to tell him what you are up to, if he should ask. Just say you're busy, and that it was nice running into him.

The idea is that he now has a positive and lasting impression of you. You weren't yelling, crying, or any of those kinds of emotions like how you perhaps last left off. Instead you looked good, and sounded nice.
He will be curious with what you have been up to. Obviously, this doesn't make sense if it's only been a very short amount of time since the break-up occurred. This is why you want to set up the encounter with enough time and space to show him that you have changed, and that there are positive things going on in your life.

This chance meeting should pique his interest in you, if enough time has passed. He should be wondering why you are so happy. He should be curious if you are with someone new, like he is.

Being at the forefront of his thought process is exactly where you want to be. Once things go sour with his new person, or when they get into an argument, he may just remember that time he bumped into you.

Say he was annoyed that you didn't take care of your health. Well, when you bumped into him, you mentioned how you joined a gym and you love it. (You did this for yourself, not him!) This will get him to see that you are now taking care of yourself which will appeal to him.

Until you hear from him, continue to focus on being the best possible you. You never know when he may just pop back into your life!

Often guys jump into a rebound situation, and those don't work out for any significant lengths of time. And with time, you may just find that you are thinking about him less and less. Who knows?

Maybe you will be ready to meet that glorious new guy. Or when you win an ex boyfriend back, your relationship will be better than ever!


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